I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
