I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
