I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's never too late to be topless.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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