I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
