Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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