9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
