I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
