I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
