we have pet lesbian snakes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
