Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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