i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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