I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Welp...herpes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
