Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
