I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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