Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
