I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
