My Higher Power is John Stamos
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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