I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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