thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
