Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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