oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Be still, my beating vagina.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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