Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
