his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
