Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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