cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize