There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
