Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
