Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
