SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
