Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
