So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
