im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
