Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
