so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
