you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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