forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
