if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
P.S. I can't hear my feet
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
