He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
