I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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