I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
