I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
