Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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