Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
