I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
