My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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