I just threw up on my dentist
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
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