Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
