How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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