only if we run a train.
done.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
