is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
