The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
