Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
