the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
